the website works again. i'm here now.

late last year, i deleted my linkedin account after coming across a random youtube video of a guy speaking on the myth of the current status quo in this country all over pre-recorded og black ops gameplay. i forgot the name of the map he was playing on but it took me back to a simpler time. i haven’t gamed in six years really. he was echoing a sentiment that i have heard many times before and have felt for about six years now. instinctively for even longer. we are now living in a bizzaro world of a previous time where towing the status quo guaranteed you a certain life in this country. i believe six years ago we entered a portal and two and a half years ago i experienced the effects of this new world firsthand. once exposed it felt like i was under a surface level spell casted on me by public schooling institutions, mass media consumption, non-existent familial pressures, and my immediate environment with only my gut to protest otherwise as it would peak its head out of a jail cell every so often. for the longest time i paid it no mind. i am far from the only person who feels this though i am still perplexed to meet similar people today. perhaps i am still breaking out of this lifelong conditioning. once deleted, i instantaneously felt a massive invisible weight lift from my heart and for the first time ever i was now completely open to receive necessary redirection in a way that was now centered around my emotional truth and life purpose. i wasn’t then but i am now.

i made a neccesary move recently to go along with this newfound revelation. i’m now convinced that i have a direct calling from god to see a very specific thing through in my life that fills me with a clarified sense of direction. my true calling. it’s what i should’ve been doing this whole time but didn’t have the fortitude to seriously consider this guttural feeling to ever be a realistic path for my life. to fully unlock the jail cell. since making this decision recently my nervous system has been through the ringer. i'm telling myself that it's my body going through a hard reboot to decondition myself from the years of bullshit i have been conditioned to believe as “normal". if normal was ever really a standard of reality for most americans at one point in time, it no longer is now. i really don’t know or know what that means really but i feel it to be true now. deeply. for the first time in a long time i am now feeling genuine fear, intrigue, cold, disgust, and community all in a single location and i couldn’t be more proud of myself for taking this path. i feel like i’m in a new rapprochement phase in my life and granted i haven’t come to terms with it yet. everything is so new. paradoxically, i haven’t thought about home one time since the move. swear it. that i do know is maturity. or is there just so much on my plate right now? we'll see if that stays true.

i feel like there could be more to say about this but i really don’t know what else can be said from this point forward. so yeah, i’m getting out of the rat race and we’ll see what happens. the synchronicities have never been more clear. i’m filled with faith.

godspeed never been more free.

- jacob